Class.
Fall weather is fleeting. Pefect days are few and far between.  Harsh winter winds take hold and I can feel my hands ache from the cold.  I get off work early and tell Rick I'll meet him at Bone Dry for a beer.  Riding fast for no reason.  I told him I'd be there in 15 minutes. I didn't take the highway.  I just ripped down side streets at 60-70 mph like an animal.  The kind of asshole every other vehicle on the road hates.  I walked into the bar and began stripping layers of clothes.  The bar tender is an older woman.  Maybe 50 or 60.  The lines in her face make me smile.  The kind of lines that let you know she did it right when she was young.  She had regrets I'm sure. But, I've always thought it's better to regret doing something than doing nothing.  I bet she was real pretty too.  She handed me a bud light.  "Starting to get cold out there." I agree take a slug of my beer and warm my lips with a freshly lit cigarette.  Some ugly girls walk in and sit next to me.  One of them calls me sir and I ignore her.  They order martinis.  And discuss the beer selection.  "Oh, now red stripe.  That is an aquired taste."  I shut them out and glance over at the pool table.  Free pool night.  Rick walks in and has no cash on him as per usual.  I order his beer.  We talk about the weather.  It's the only time I don't despise talking about it.  Compare notes on how to survive these bitter cold nights.  "I wonder who is going to drop out first?" He says.  Since we were kids beating the shit out of each other in the front lawn.  Everything has been a competition. 

Two wheels for the soul.
The throttle gripped.  Long, sweeping curves.  The wind.  The bugs splattering.  Just breathing is better.  I need at least one more long ride before winter hits to get some things straight in my mind.  Clear-headed.  Restore my patience. Escape this monotony.

We Just Found This Place and We're Talking About Blowing It Up
Yesterday after noon I got that feeling where I was exactly where I was supposed to be...  We pulled up to our destination blocked by big, orange cranes.  I looked at Rudy and knew instantly that he was just going to drive through the grass around our obstacles.   Jeff followed and we tried to park our big white cargo van inconspicuously behind a tree.  Getting out of the skunk van and walking down a gravel path with Rudy, Gav, Ross, Matt, and Jeff... A far walk between polluted ponds I wanted to dive into,  Matt mentioned this place he saw in lynwood a few years back fishing and we went with skateboards and brooms in hand to check it out.  We finally got to this concrete fortress and grinned, psyched not to be disappointed.  We used this ditch as a skate park, speed limit signs used as launch ramps, their poles used as grind rails, and dried up quick-crete used as a sub box.  Eating shit and getting dirty, laughing when Matt's board rolled into the mud for the tenth time, this is exactly where I wanted to be.  Even getting back into the skunk van blasting the mexican station felt great.  I'm not growing up.

Again and Again and Again
Good nights end with me and my friends passed out on the floor.  Waking up and sitting at the kitchen table laughing about Casey blowing chunks in the bathroom before falling asleep in the tub.

I feel ughhh this morning.  Well, afternoon.  I'm not alive in the morning.

Siege called me out on girl stuff yesterday.  It was all really true.  But I don't care.

There is a fly buzz-buzzing around.  I put a blanky over my head so I won't have to hear it.  I hate that noise more than I hate most things.  Maybe it would leave me alone if I showered more and smelled nicer.

We watched movies all day yesterday.

Today is Monday and I have work.   When people ask me to work for them.  I rarely say no.  I feel too bad.

I guess there is a fine line between push over and nice.

I'm going to skate now with Gav and Clay.

Later.

Garbage Coated Optimism
I'm fairly certain that I just failed my sociology class.  I guess that not getting a book for that class was an awful decision.  The worst part about this is the fact that I feel pretty indifferent about all of it or maybe the worst part is that I probably won't be eligible for a scholarship next semester.  I am truly a fuck up.  At one o clock today I have my last final.  It's  human growth and development; after that, it's all over.  There is a good chance I'll fail this class too.  I'm never not getting books for a class again.  I was going to try to take some classes this summer to catch up and graduate on time but there is no way I could put enough effort and energy into a class in the summer time to pass it.  I want to say that next fall I'll start fresh.  Avoid drinking and staying out too late... just destroy every class I'm assigned too.  I did do great in spanish.  I definitely aced it.  And english I may have gotten a B and at worst a C.

I'm at a loss of what to do with my summer;  I'm placing it all in Gavin's hands.  Either I'm going to work a whole lot or not work at all.

I had this really good dream last night.  I wish that I could go back and just stay inside of it.   Something good has got to come along sooner or later.  Maybe this dream is a little taste of the shape of love to come... maybe.  Anyways, on top of all this poop is the cherry that is summer.  So, I'm trying not to stress and be optimistic about the school and fun related future.  I know one thing for sure, I'll be thrashin'.